Insights
by Pie for President '16
Summary: After Lexie dies in the season eight finale, we get a startling insight into her life. An insight that nobody knew about except for her parents. AU.
1. Introduction

Hi, this is my first fanfic in a while! I've really been struggling to come up with plot-lines for Grey's Anatomy. it's become my obsession, once again. I had a Grey's Anatomy fic up, a loooong time ago, but it sucked. Like, sucked majorly.

* * *

Lexie Grey knew the end was near, she was dying and there was no escaping it. Her body was crushed under several tons of plane debris and two-thirds of her body felt numb. Lexie had no idea if all her limbs were still attached to her torso or if they had been crushed to pieces.

She blinked back tears and let out a raspy sigh before turning her head to face the love of her life, Mark Sloan. He was in tears, there were actual tears running down his face. Lexie had never seen him so vulnerable and broken. Whenever something was upsetting Mark, he remained stoic and sometimes cracked that infamous cocky grin of his. But now, this was too much for her to bear.

It was scaring her, because as much as she knew she had to face her death, she did not want to die. She had so much more to do and so much more to say. She was only 28, she had her whole life laid out in front of her and she saw it with Mark Sloan.

Lexie tried to speak, but found it hard. It felt as if her lungs and airway was on fire. She breathed in deeply and coughed, sending pain shooting throughout her body.

"Ma-Mark." She whispered, struggling to hold on. She could hear a distant whisper, the whisper—the all too familiar voice of her mother, Susan Grey.

"Lex." Mark sobbed, squeezing her good hand. She squeezed tightly back.

"I- I-" Lexie struggled to say the words she knew she had to say, but her voice was not cooperating with her brain. Why was it not cooperating with her brain?

"Don't speak." Mark whispered, placing a single finger over her lips.

Lexie shook her head.

"No." She let out a ragged breath. "I- I have to. Mark, I- I-"

Her voice decided to say words different than the ones going through her brain.

"I love you."

Well, that was true, she did love Mark Sloan. But she did not want those three words to be one of her last.

_Damn you, voice!_ She scolded herself.

Mark let out a sob.

"Lexie, don't. Don't tell me you love me when you're dying right by my side. I- I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I- I know I've screwed up in the past, but I had every intention of making things right with you. But now-" Mark shook his head and buried it in his hands.

Susan Grey's voice was becoming clearer and louder, the haze was beginning to settle in around her.

"Mark, I'll see you again, I promise." Lexie breathed, struggling even more to hang on now. She had to say it.

"But I won't find anyone that I love as much as you, Lexie Grey."

Lexie could feel the tears running down the side of her face.

"You- You will, Mark. You have to live life without me, we'll meet again many years from now and we'll have our happy ending then."

Images began to flash through Lexie's vision, like one of those old-fashioned films. She could see herself at two, meeting Molly for the first time. Then she was five and riding a bike without training wheels, followed by her holding her first lost tooth when she was seven. Happy images flickered through her line of sight as she aged ten years. Then the vision of _him_ flickered through her vision. She'd tried so hard to forget him, tried to forget that one night she spent with him that led to the conception of her only child.

The child she had abandoned eleven years ago, the daughter who had no idea where her mother was and that she was about to die. Lexie shook her head and let out a shaky sob, she was never going to get the chance to tell her daughter how sorry she was. She could only hope that Mercy didn't hate her, hope that her father didn't make her out to be the devil's spawn.

The following year and half that flashed by were the memories Lexie wanted to forget. She wanted to forget being kicked out by her dad, even though her mother insisted she stay and get their support. She wanted to forget marrying that jerk and falling into bad habits.

Fortunately, the memories changed to happy ones once again when she flew back to Washington. She had told _him_ she'd gone to Vegas with her drug dealer, but the truth was that she went back home. Back home to her mother and father, back to where she belonged.

"Lexie?" Mark's voice seemed distant now. "Lexie!" She could feel herself being shaken and gasped, breathing raggedly.

"Please, don't leave me, Lex."

"I have to, Mark. I'm going home, I'm going to see my mom. I can hear her, she's not too far away."

Mark let out a sob and shook his head.

"No, you are not dying on me."

The walls were closing in now, a bright light was somewhere along her line of vision, and she could hear her mother's soothing voice.

"I- I love you, Mark." Lexie let out one last breath and fell limp.


	2. Chapter 1

Here's the second chapter of my first Grey's Anatomy fanfic. I want to thank the people who followed for following! I really appreciate that, and I want to know what you think of the story, of this shocking twist with Lexie. I know things we learnt last chapter gets pretty much repeated this chapter, but it's Meredith's POV now and a year after the plane crash. It will pick up soon, I promise.

I don't own anyone. Not even Johnny and Mercy. Bonus points if you figure it out. :)

* * *

It had been a whole year now, and the past three hundred sixty-five days couldn't have gone by any slower. One year ago, Meredith Grey was stranded in a forest somehow the only one without an injury. Her arm had bits of scratches on them, but it wasn't anything serious. Other people, though, were not as fortunate as Meredith in the plane crash. Her sister, Lexie Grey, had died at the scene. Meredith would never forget Mark Sloan's distraught tear-stained face when she and Cristina returned from retrieving blankets.

_"Mark?" Meredith asked, her voice shaky. She couldn't help but notice how still Lexie's half-crushed body was._

_Mark let out a sob and shook his head, not making eye contact with Meredith._

_"No!" Meredith cried, collapsing onto the ground. At some point, Cristina had wrapped a blanket around her and began shaking her friend fiercely._

_"Meredith." Cristina tried speaking to her friend, but Meredith was gone. Halfway between the forest and her dark place._

_"Meredith! Look, I understand you are upset about Lexie. But you can't cry, you can't. We have to stay hydrated. Do you hear me?"_

_Meredith felt another shake and she let out a sigh._

_"Okay." Meredith said quietly, wiping her eyes._

They'd been rescued early the next morning, but unfortunately, they could not bring Lexie's remains back with them. It was too much of an effort to lift the plane's wing and engine off her lifeless body, something Meredith had a hard time dealing with. When they got back to Seattle, Meredith had been forced into therapy after Derek noticed her withdrawing from her family and work. After two months, Meredith had been cleared to work again and she began a new clinical trial with Bailey. They were working on inserting chemicals that controlled the reaction lactose intolerants had to milk. As of now, ten months later, fifteen out of twenty-one cases had been successful. Three months after returning to work, Meredith discovered she was pregnant and was placed on maternity leave; the risk of miscarriage was too high given her age and history.

Fortunately, the fetus passed the date of viability and Meredith was now thirty-seven weeks pregnant. The doctor was getting restless now, she'd been on leave from the hospital for six months now and it just brought her one step closer to the brink of insanity. That was until, against Derek's orders, Meredith ventured upstairs to the attic. The attic, which was once Lexie's room. The air was stale and everything was covered in a good two inch of dust, the room letting off a slightly eerie feel with the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the windows.

All the boxes had been random junk Lexie collected and kept over the years, the random junk going back to times of Lexie's childhood. As Meredith was looking through Lexie's impossibly perfect chemistry work, a shoebox caught her eyes. It had "Meredith" written on it. She put the chem papers down and reached for the box, opening it. On the top was a CD enclosed in a case, with "Watch only if I'm gone." written with a blue Sharpie. Meredith knew it was a blue Sharpie marker because Lexie wrote all her notes with it.

Then a unsettling thought crossed Meredith's mind. Lexie must have known she'd die at some point. Maybe she was dark and twisty, with thoughts of death invading every other thoughts that went through her mind. Meredith let out a sigh and grabbed the case, leaving the stuffy basement and struggling to walk down two flights of stairs.

After a minute of getting comfortable on the couch, Meredith pressed _play_ and Lexie's cheery face appeared on her TV screen. Her hair was blonde, so it must have been some time after she and Mark broke up.

"Hi, Meredith. If you're watching this, I guess this means I'm gone. I want to apologize for leaving you; I know how you feel about people leaving you after you grow attached to them. Don't say you're not attached to me, because you _are_. But this isn't about you, this is about me." Lexie let out a sigh, looking off to the side for a few seconds before looking back at the camera. "This is going to come as a _huge_ shock and I don't blame you if you don't believe me, but it's true. A part of me wishes it wasn't, but a part of me wishes it was with the right person. When I was seventeen, I met this guy and we got pregnant. I know what you're probably thinking right now, there's no way in hell perfect Alexandra Caroline Grey could be a teen mom, but I am. Well, I was. Our dad kicked me out when he learned of my pregnant, even though Mom wanted me to stay here, in Seattle. So I left with Johnny and moved to California. Today, nine years later, I wish I'd listened to Mom." Lexie wiped her eyes and sniffed. "I miss her so, _so_ much. Well, you know, she was a wonderful woman. But, anyways, Johnny and I got married. It was not a happy marriage, Johnny had some drug problems and he'd influenced me. I'm surprised Mery wasn't born with any learning disabilities, but again, she was only seventeen months old when I left her." Lexie let out a sob. "I abandoned my daughter, Meredith. I told Johnny that I'd gone to Vegas with my drug dealer because I just couldn't let him know that I was a big baby on the inside who wanted to go back home to Mommy and Daddy."

Meredith felt completely numb at this revelation. She had no idea this is what really happened with Lexie. She had so many questions right now and it was too late to ask her sister, Lexie had died exactly one year ago.

"I know you're probably wondering how I could abandon my little girl, and especially with a guy like Johnny. But Meredith, our dad… he hated the mere thought of his granddaughter, her existence, her being, the idea of her set him off. I was worried for her, but I knew his family was good people. There were some really good people in that town. I wish you weren't watching this right now, I wish I was still alive and have hopefully reunited with my daughter. But that's not possible because you're watching this, which means I am dead. My daughter has no idea I'm dead or that I regret abandoning her. I know you're not really into the lovey-dovey mushy family crap, but could you just please, for me, find her? Let her know, to the best of your ability, that I loved her and I'm sorry? Could you please do that, for me? For the sister I know you love but refuse to show it like a normal human being."

The screen went black and Meredith was at a loss of words. She looked down at her bulging belly and placed a hand over it. She tried to understand where Lexie was coming from, tried to see the reasoning she gave to her sister on that videotape. There was no way she could abandon this child growing inside her, or Zola… Zola. Meredith looked over at the table by the entrance to the kitchen; there was a picture of Zola giggling while Derek held her up high.

Did her dad really hate the thought of his own granddaughter, her mere existence? But he loved the thought of Zola and Laura. Hell, he was always insisting Molly come back to the States so he could see Laura.

"She must be nearly grown now!" Meredith overheard him on the phone not too long ago, talking to Molly. Meredith smiled weakly at the memory, though it hurt. Because he wasn't as crazy about Zola as he was about Laura, even though he saw Zola at least once a month and he saw Laura probably once a year.

Meredith didn't hear the front door open and realized that Derek and Zola were home when a little face appeared in her sight. Meredith smiled and held Zola tight.

"Hi, Mama!" Zola said brightly. Meredith planted a kiss on her cheek.

"Hey, Mer." Derek walked into the living room and sat down besides his wife.

Meredith let out a loud sniff.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Derek wrapped an arm around Meredith and brought her head to his shoulder.

Meredith shook her head.

"Nothing, Just missing Lexie, it's no big deal."

Derek nodded; knowing "no big deal" meant it was actually a big deal. He'd learnt, over the many years of Meredith's dark and twisty, up-and-down moods, to leave it at that if he didn't want a fight. After a day like today, he wasn't up for a fight.


	3. Chapter 2

Here is the next chapter! I'm getting really excited about this story, aren't you? In this chapter, there are no Grey's Anatomy characters. But in the next chapter, Mercy will be interacting with people at Seattle Grace! Just a note, other than the obvious, this is AU from season 9 and 10! The only similarity is Meredith's pregnancy. 

* * *

I_ think I know your mom_. These six words kept replaying in Mercy's mind as she stepped into her granduncle's house. It was Thanksgiving and Mercy made the yearly trip to Riverside to see her extended paternal family. But right now, Mercy kept thinking about the letter she'd received from her pen-pal in Washington. She hadn't had the chance to write back yet, but she was desperate to know more about her mom. Since they were on a five-day break from school, Mercy wouldn't be able to compose a new email reply until Monday. She did have her pen-pal's cell number, but Mercy didn't have a cell phone or any type of phone available.

"Mercy!" The voice of Pete Boyd rang throughout the house, bringing Mercy out of her thoughts. The young teen smiled and hugged her granduncle.

"Johnny." Pete said simply, shaking his nephew's hand.

"Where is everyone?" Johnny asked, taking off his jacket and putting it on the hanger.

"Downstairs watching the game, dinner will be ready in half an hour."

"All right." Johnny went down to the basement without looking back at his daughter or uncle. Mercy let out a sigh, standing somewhat awkwardly at the doorway.

"You all right there?" Pete asked, looking at Mercy with concern.

"Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind right now." Mercy replied, going into the kitchen where her grandaunt was preparing Thanksgiving dinner.

"Hi, Aunt Clare." Mercy smiled. Clare turned around and gave Mercy a hug.

"Everyone's downstairs watching the game, do you want to go down there?"

Mercy shook her head and sat at one of the chairs by the bar.

"I got a letter from my pen-pal yesterday. You know my school does a pen-pal program, right?"

"Yes, Johnny told us. He wasn't too impressed with it." Clare returned to the dishes.

"But we are happy you are getting to know people from other schools." Pete said, sitting next to Mercy.

Mercy smiled briefly, appreciative of their support. Pete and Clare was always overbearing with her as a child, but they've weaned off her as she got older. They were much better at being her parents than her mother and father.

"Anyways, my pen-pal said she might know my mom."

The clanging and clinking of dishes, pots, pans and utensils stopped as Clare turned around.

"Really?" Pete asked, his eyes wide.

"Yeah… why?" Mercy looked between her aunt and uncle uncertainly. It was odd they were reacting this way.

"No reason, go on." Pete said, motioning with his hands.

"Well, she's a doctor in Seattle. My pen-pal had a tumor taken out a few years ago and she was the intern operating on her."

Clare grasped Pete's hand, her mouth wide open. Pete let out a short laugh.

"Frankie, a doctor? I don't think so, Mercy. I'm sorry, I love you, Pumpkin. But your mom… Well." Pete let out a sigh and exchanged looks with Clare. "She was not a good woman."

"But she's a doctor, she took a tumor out of my friend's brain."

Pete shook his head and rested his free hand on Mercy's shoulder.

"Your friend must be mistaken. I don't think it's your mom, Mercy. It might be, we could be wrong. But I don't want you getting your hopes up on finding your mom." Pete told her.

"Mercy, honey, your mom left you when you were just a year and half old. If she was a good person, a good enough person willing to save other people's lives, do you really think she would have abandoned you?"

Mercy stood and scoffed, glaring at her aunt and uncle.

"I can't believe you! Not all doctors are good people outside hospitals, I thought you would know that given how old you are! I thought you'd be supportive of me, you're the only people in this stupid family who's ever shown any support for me. I'm done with this place, so done." Mercy turned around and stormed out of the house and into the pouring rain. The bus stop was just five minutes away, so Mercy decided to expose herself to pneumonia than to go back into that house.

Shivering, Mercy caught the bus, which would take her right by her trailer-park home in Ventura. It was an hour's drive and almost dark when Mercy made it back, but she was happy to be home. Though it never was home for her, she did not ask to be raised in a trailer park with a loser for a father. Fortunately, her best friend lived in the same neighborhood, and Mercy knew she'd definitely be home.

Mercy pounded on the door of the trailer and a few seconds later, she could see her best friend opening the door.

"Mercy, what are you doing here? It's Thanksgiving, why aren't you with your family?"

Mercy shivered in response.

"I- I-"

"Mercy, you're soaking wet!" Her best friend's mother cried, pulling Mercy into the trailer. "Go get blankets and a change of pajamas for Mercy, Carrie."

Carrie nodded and once Mercy had been dried and changed into pajamas, she sat on the couch with a mug of hot cocoa.

"I told my aunt and uncle about the letter I got yesterday." Mercy explained, looking at Carrie. She nodded.

"Guessing they didn't take it too well?"

Mercy shook her head.

"I thought they'd be understanding, they've always been understanding. But today, I don't know. They were completely different people!"

"But your mom, she left when you were just a baby." Carrie's mom said.

"Mom, you don't know Johnny. He's an ass." Carrie withered at her mother's warning glare. "I mean a jerk. Seriously, mom, I don't blame Mercy's mom for leaving the way she did."

"She left a baby with him, Carrie."

"She was probably scared. Do you think she was scared, Mercy?"

Mercy nodded.

"Maybe. I want to go see her, today."

"Today? Today is Thanksgiving, dear."

"I don't care. If you two won't support me, then I don't know what I'm even doing here."

"Okay, let's go through this one step at a time. Could you tell me what the letter said about your mom?" Carrie's mother said, sitting on the kitchen counter. "Why does she say she might know your mother?"

"I sent a school picture to her and I got a reply back yesterday; she said I look familiar and that she might know my mom. She said my mom was probably a doctor who performed surgery on her a few years ago when she had a tumor."

"Are you sure it isn't a trap? Do you even know the person you're writing to?"

"Mom!" Carrie whined. "It's a school thing, our school works with other schools to connect their students. _Of course_ she is writing to a student, not a pedophile."

"It's not through email, we do it the old-fashioned way." Mercy explained, calmer than Carrie at this point.

"Okay, and where does she live?"

"Seattle, or she did in 2010. I tried looking her up at school but couldn't find anything. I did find the doctor who operated on my pen-pal; Derek Shepard, he's hot, not that it's relevant to this conversation."

"Mercy, I want you to understand that I am looking out for you. Just like your aunt and uncle were looking out for you, even if it doesn't seem to be that way."

"But I don't want to think negatively, Leah." Mercy argued.

"Aye, I don't know why I'm even doing this." Leah shook her head. "Do you have your pen-pal's number?"

"Yeah." Mercy pulled out a small piece of paper from her pocket.

"All right, why don't you go call her. I can't promise she will reply as it's Thanksgiving, but give it a try."

"Thanks, Leah." Mercy smiled and stood up, going over to the phone on the counter. After dialing the number, Mercy put the phone to her ear and listened to the rings. After three rings, there was an answer.

"Davis residence, Andrew speaking."

"Um, hi. Is Tori there?"

"She's having dinner. May I ask who's calling?"

"Mercy Boyd, her pen-pal."

"Hold on." A few seconds passed with silence before Tori spoke.

"Hey, Mercy! About time you called!"

Mercy blushed, embarrassed. She hadn't told Tori there were no phone lines in her house or that she didn't have a cell phone; she hated being poor and from their letters, Mercy could tell Tori was well-off.

"I know, I've just been really busy. I'm sorry." Mercy lied. _At least it's partially the truth_.

"Anyways, I'm thinking of coming to Seattle. Tomorrow."

"You're coming to Seattle? Is this about the letter I sent? I didn't say it was definitely your mom and it was three years ago."

"I know, but it wouldn't hurt to find out whether or not it's really her."

"Let me talk to my dad, but I don't think he'd object to you coming. Text me when you're here."

"Uh." Mercy began, and then mentally beat herself up. "I don't have a cell phone."

"Oh." A pause. "That's fine, just use the phone at the airport when you land."

"All right. I'll let you finish dinner. See you tomorrow, bye." Mercy hung up and looked at her friend.

"I'm going to Seattle. I'm going to meet my mom. This is the right thing to do, right?" Mercy looked between Carrie and Leah uncertainly. They didn't respond.


End file.
